The GOOD, the BAD, and the STUPID
by kawari091
Summary: Uchiha Sasuke is the baddest bandit of the west in search of treasure. He's cold, cruel, and suddenly plagued by a bumbling, blonde idiot. Oh yeah -Throw in the crazed bounty-hunter at their heels.  YAOI SASUNARU  much later on
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Warning: Slight OOC-ness to make Sasuke into a bandit. Please forgive me.

The GOOD, the BAD, and the STUPID

Chapter One: I killed, who?

The transcontinental railroad train sped through the desert. Black steam issued from its pipes and into the clear, sunny skies. From afar, Uchiha Sasuke watched the train's progress towards them. His horse tossed its head impatiently, as if knowing its time to gallop was coming. Mindlessly, Sasuke patted his horse's neck to placate it. He was still watching the train intently. His eyes narrowed, and his fingers twitched. It was time.

He wetted his parched lips, and gave a clear and sharp whistle. Sasuke raised his hand and signaled towards the train. The men behind him gave a loud and piercing whoop as they mounted their horses. They waved their shotguns and pistols in the air, and charged down the hill towards the tracks.

They galloped alongside the tracks. At last, the train caught up to them. They only had one chance to get on the train. With expert precision and balance, Sasuke stood up on his horse's back, and leapt into the open cargo. He rolled and slid, and caught himself before he fell through the other end. Sasuke stood up, and readjusted his black cowboy hat. He pulled out his trusty sidearm as he maneuvered through the train towards the passenger cars.

The train came to a sudden halt. Sasuke smirked, reassured that one of his men made it on board and took over the steering compartment. Sasuke barged into the first passenger car, his gun aimed into the crowd. People shrieked as they took cover behind the dismal seats.

"Oh god!" a woman screamed in dismay, as she hid behind her hands.

"Nobody move! And shut up!" He shouted, as his eyes and gun roved over the many faces. The compartment went deathly still and silent. He strode through the thin aisle. Looking side to side, Sasuke made sure no one made any sudden movements. For a brief moment, his eyes rested on young man with stunning golden hair. The young man was glaring up at him with his sapphire-blue eyes. Sasuke moved on, paying the obvious display of belligerence with no heed. As a bandit, he was often glared at for ruining their day.

His men boarded the train and stormed through the compartment. They laughed obnoxiously, as they dug through someone's bags in search of coins and jewelry. Sasuke became annoyed, and fired his gun in the air. The men looked up and raised their guns in fright to see who fired the shot.

"Don't waste your time in here. They're nothing but poor commoners." Sasuke said, " Gentlemen, to the first class room!" The men whooped as they followed behind Sasuke, slamming the door behind them. The blonde boy sharply stood up, and he too left the compartment.

One thing Sasuke detested about raiding a first-class compartment was that no one would shut the hell up.

"Excuse me, young man," an elderly woman berated, "Do you know who I am? I trust that you-"

"I thought I told you to shut the HELL up." Sasuke said irritably, interrupting the woman harshly. Her jaws snapped up, and she looked appalled by the rude treatment.

"Young man, that is not how you treat a woman," a gentleman said bravely. Sasuke, who was bent over going through a luggage bag, sharply looked up with his eyes blazing red. The gentleman gulped and sat back down in silence. Sasuke's eyes reverted back to black, as he coolly looked over the rich folks.

The men had filled their rucksack with the loot, and were about to leave when…

"Wait!" Sasuke called out. He looked at the quiet soldier seated in the far back with a strange curious look. He strode over, and gave the soldier a closer look.

"Why is there a soldier here amongst these fine people?" He thought out loud. The soldier began to shift nervously in his seat. Sasuke grabbed the soldier by his collar and pushed him against the wall. He roughly disarmed and searched the soldier, and stuffed whatever he found in his pocket- papers, odd trinkets, and a small jewelry box. When he was done, he pushed the soldier away, and searched where the soldier was seated.

Underneath the seat was a suitcase. Sasuke looked at the soldier. The soldier looked terrified. Sasuke smirked, as he grabbed the suitcase. The soldier gave out a war cry, as he grabbed the nearest gun from the unsuspecting bandit. Before he could raise the gun towards Sasuke, a shot rang out. The soldier crumpled to the floor, dead. The women screamed in fright, thinking they were next.

"Dang, Sasuke," a bandit said, in awe. "Nice shot through the head."

"That's him for you!" another said sycophantically, "He's the fastest, and most deadliest in the west."

"Shut up the lot of you," Sasuke said coldly, as he picked up his sack and the suitcase. "Move out."

"Sasuke, how did you know he was hiding something valuable?"

Sasuke eyed his stupid, uneducated comrade with annoyance. Was it worth explaining to them that a soldier who didn't take action to defend civilians against bandits meant he was defending something far more valuable? He decided against it, and remained quiet.

The gang dismounted the train – Sasuke fired a shot into the air. The train began to take motion again as a man leapt from the steering compartment. The men whooped as the train ploughed onwards.

Sasuke did not partake in the juvenile display of victory. He eyed the sun that was still high in the air. He took of his hat, and slicked his messy hair back. He whistled through his teeth and looked around. His horse was still nowhere in sight. Where the hell was his horse?

The horse ride back to the nearest town was an uncomfortable and awkward journey. Two grown men on one poor horse was not the ideal situation. However, it was the only choice after Minks reluctantly offered his horse to share since it was the biggest one. Minks clung on precariously to Sasuke in fear of sliding off. Poor Minks had no choice but to offer Sasuke the front, especially after Sasuke said: "Or, I could just shoot you and not worry about having to share a horse."

By nightfall they reached Suna Town. The men decided to celebrate at the nearest saloon. The saloon was filled with loud, obscene life of powdery faced women and their poofy dresses pressed suggestively against the drunken men. Men holding pints of beer, stumbled a drunken dance to cheery piano tunes played by an equally drunk fool. Sasuke's men whooped as they flashed their loot to the crowd and joined the festivities.

Sasuke made his way to the bartender. "One room key." He said, uninterested in drinking or floundering with the women. He scanned the room, as the bartender turned to fish out the key. For a second, he paused. He thought he saw a golden flash.

"There you go. Room 4." the bartender said cheerfully, as he set the key down on the table. "That'll be $5 for the night." Sasuke fished out a watch and laid it on the table. The bartender eyed it carefully, shrugged, and pocketed it. Sasuke weaved through the crowd towards the staircase.

"Where you going, stranger?" a seductive female voice called out. She was certainly a rare beauty in these parts. Sasuke didn't answer, and climbed the stairs, leaving her disappointed.

Sasuke reached the hallway, and was met with the young blonde he had met earlier today. The blonde crossed his arms as he stood in Sasuke's way. His blue eyes were blazing with energy and rage.

"My name is Uzumaki Na-ru-to," he said. "Sir, you have offended me. I challenge you to a duel!"

"…" – Sasuke

"…" – Naruto

"…" – Sasuke

"… WELL?" Naruto exploded impatiently.

"No." Sasuke said curtly, as he tried to walk past Naruto, who moved to block his path.

"Why not?" He whined.

"You're just a kid." Sasuke said, in a finalizing tone.

"What do you mean 'a kid,'" Naruto said aghast. "I am eighteen years old! That's manhood!"

"You're still a kid," Sasuke said. 'What kind of idiot says 'you have offended me, I challenge you to a duel?'

"What? There's honor amongst murdering bandits?" Naruto sneered.

"No. Just within me."

"You have no honor. You killed my father!" Naruto shouted angrily, "Duel me!" Naruto reached for his holster. But, his fingers fumbled and all Naruto looked like he was doing was grabbing himself. Sasuke snorted.

"With skills like that, you will do nothing more except die."

Naruto growled, as lunged at the impassive brunette. Sasuke evaded the blonde with ease. Naruto crashed into the floor. Before the blonde could get up, Sasuke unlocked his door, and quickly shut if after himself.

"Dammit!" Naruto cursed as he saw the door close and lock.

After years of searching for his father's murderer, Naruto has at last found him. All those years spent training and searching has whittled down to that moment of failure. He chocked and the guy wouldn't even duel him.

Naruto stared at the closed door with burning determination. Hell, if there was one thing Naruto could never do, it was GIVING UP.

The sun peeked through the lace curtains. Sasuke stirred from the bed. He sat up, and readjusted his hold on the gun he slept with. Today was another day. Another day to steal, eat, and live.

After dressing in his usual black attire, he stepped from his room. He couldn't believe his eyes. Snoozing at the foot of his door was the stupid Uzumaki kid. He studied the sleeping blonde and recalled last night.

Uzumaki said that he killed his father. That was likely, he thought as he chewed his bottom lip. Even if it wasn't, it could have been one of his men. They have raided towns and homes many times, and often it resulted in bloody violence. While, Sasuke made sure he never killed civilians… there could be the chance of a mistake. Uchiha Sasuke shook his head – he didn't feel sorry or remorseful. He didn't even pity the boy. But, something was bothering him… His cold black eyes remained fixed on the Naruto. If he had… he would've surely remembered.

Naruto yawned and began to wake up. Naruto winced as he sat up. His back was hurting from sleeping awkwardly against the door.

"AH!" He shouted in horror, as he saw Sasuke's door open, and the room obviously vacated.

Sasuke took his rucksack and the mysterious briefcase to another room in a different saloon. He couldn't risk going back to the other one. If Uzumaki caught the sight of him, he wouldn't leave Sasuke alone.

Sasuke lit a cigarette, and sucked in smoke. He emptied the sack and observed his spoils. There was a few stacks of bound money bills, jeweled rings and necklaces, silk scarves, gold nuggets, and sack of coins. It was a pretty good haul. Sasuke was satisfied. It was enough to keep him for a good 3 months. Carefully he shoved the bounty in his sack.

He took another hit of the cigarette as he eyed the suitcase with fascination. He was saving the best for last. The suitcase was locked, so Sasuke took a crowbar from his sack and pried it open. To his disappointment, it didn't hold any gold or wads of bills he had thought it had. Inside was a single weathered leather parchment and a gold ring.

Sasuke stared at the parchment in confusion. Then, he quickly dug through his pockets and pulled out the items he had relieved the soldier from. He perused the papers. His heart stopped. The papers were stamped with the royal seal of Konoha.

He looked at the leather again. It was written in a strange and foreign language. However, there was one thing he could make out. It was a map.

It was time to go solo again, Sasuke thought, as he stared at the map.

Naruto wandered the streets. He eyed at any person with dark hair and pale skin. More than once, he had rudely stopped some passing pedestrian and shouted, "SASUKE?" in their faces. Naruto cursed himself for falling asleep. 'Curse, this natural human need to sleep!' Sasuke was a slippery fellow that could escape anywhere with no detection. He just hoped that Sasuke hadn't left the town- that would leave him back to square zero.

It was fruitless. Naruto hung his head low, and went back to the saloon to untie his horse. It was time to set out again.

Naruto was inconsolable as he loaded up the horse. However, the horse wouldn't stay still as it twisted and writhed. The horse was grumpy and unyielding to his touch. Naruto tried to pet it to calm it down, but it neighed angrily.

"I know. I know," he said, "I know you're angry for taking you away. Well get used to me."

'As if.' the horse snorted, as it hit its hoof against the sand.

Sasuke stared out into the sky and whistled out of his habit. The horse's ear twitched as it recognized the calling. As if moving in slow motion, the following has occurred: Naruto bent down and untied the rein that tethered the horse to the post. Once sensing its freedom, the horse bolted off towards the direction of the whistle. Naruto, from the force of the horse, fell to the ground. "What the-," Naruto cried out. However, as he fell, his boot got caught in the loose rope flying from the horse. Suddenly, Naruto found himself being pulled down the street by the sprinting horse.

Sasuke, unknowingly, kept whistling. He looked to the sky for inspiration. He was trying to think of what to do now. With this map in hand, he has to find everything he can about it.

From the distance he heard a horse neighing. Sasuke couldn't believe his eyes. It was his horse pelting towards him.

He stood up from the porch of the saloon, and the horse skidded into a stop in front of him.

Sasuke patted the horse, "Good to see you too."

Naruto stirred feebly from the ground. Thank god, the horse has stopped. That freaking hurt. His back was having a bad day. Part of it was burned raw and bleeding.

"What the? I FOUND YOU, SASUKE!" Naruto shouted, as he jumped to his feet.

"… What the hell?" Sasuke said in disbelief.

To Be CONTINUED.

Feedback please – How do you like it?

Thanks,

Kawari-kun


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Sorry for the extremely long hiatus…

Shout outs:

Thank you _Narutopokefan_ and _Mangaromance_ for your kind reviews! IT gave me the strength to continue~ 3

The GOOD, the BAD, and the STUPID

Chapter Two: Leave me the HELL alone

The dead soldier in the train caused quite a stir when the train reached Tsuchi Town. The sheriff barged in, questioning the passengers. The stout man scurried left and right, trying to extract the facts. Meanwhile in the background, Haruno Sakura observed the scene coolly. Her vivid green eyes scrutinized the witnesses' faces and learned more things than the poor sheriff could. She brushed back her soft pink hair as she placed on her cowboy hat. The female bounty hunter was able discern the single most important key: Uchiha Sasuke.

As she turned to leave, she failed to notice a suspicious shadowy man in her peripherals. To him, the dead soldier meant one thing – the map was gone. He shuddered. His master will not be pleased. With a swish of his cloak, he slinked away from the scene.

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Naruto tried to regain his composure and attempted to look intimidating. A rather difficult task, seeing that he was dusty, disheveled, and bleeding from being dragged hundreds of yards by Sasuke's horse. But, somehow Naruto was still able to radiate a burning resilience and strength that Sasuke began to find irritating. His unnatural blue eyes were blazing with determination to kill Sasuke out of revenge. It may have intimidated any other man, but to Sasuke, he found it rather endearing…

Endearing?

Sasuke jolted out of this strange momentary lapse of normal human emotions.

The air temperature dropped to frigid, as Sasuke's terrible aura began to enclose around them. If Naruto was scared at the sudden change of atmosphere, he didn't show it. Instead, Naruto smirked.

"Are you going to take me seriously now?" Naruto goaded, his hands resting on his holster.

This kid must be an idiot. No one in their right minds would challenge the great, the notorious Uchiha Sasuke. And that emptied out Sasuke's will to even react. This kid was exhausting.

"I don't take idiots seriously." Sasuke replied coldly, and he picked up his horse's rein, and walked away.

*SMACK

Sasuke's hat whipped off his head, and fell unceremoniously onto the sandy floor.

No …

No, he did NOT just do what he did…

The rock that had hit Sasuke's back of the head fell to the floor with a dull thud.

Slowly, Sasuke turn his head to look back at the blonde moron. His hand released his horse's rein. As if the disbelief, the incredulity of what had just happened has frozen Sasuke's limbs, Sasuke was turning to face Naruto in the slowest fashion possible.

Naruto, too could not believe what he had just done. He had acted reflexively, and now he regretted it immensely. All he could do now was stay rooted to the spot, in shock. Even under the blood red gaze of the terrible murderer, Sasuke, that was fixated on him. He couldn't run, even if he wanted to.

"DO you want me to kill you?" Sasuke asked in quiet rage. Naruto was in shock. He could have sworn Sasuke was several feet away, but now, Sasuke had a firm grip on his collar, pulling him to his face.

Naruto could not tear his eyes away from the hateful, crimson eyes of Sasuke's. It felt like staring right into death's eyes.

"I… I swore to find you," Naruto said, "I swore to…"

Growling with aggravation, Sasuke released his grip on Naruto, and he fell to the floor.

"Why don't you just kill me then?" Naruto asked, his anger rising.

Sasuke stared down, pitiless, dead, cold.

"I don't kill for fun."

"How about out of necessity! If you don't kill me, I will never stop trying to hunt you down."

"I will ask you one more time, Uzumaki. Do you WANT me to kill you?"

"I don't mind, as long as I've tried to avenge my father's murder!"

Sasuke was rendered speechless. Not knowing how to respond, he merely stared at the youth with disbelief. People like him were probably more dangerous to Sasuke than anybody he has ever encountered before.

But time to think about this further was limited.

A sharp whistle of a rifle's bullet passed Sasuke's ear. The bullet had narrowly missed Sasuke's temple.

The pink haired bounty hunter cursed under her breath for her failed shot. She pulled, opened the breech, and reloaded her rifle. She aimed again, and fired.

Sasuke was prepared. There was always a second bullet. When it came, Sasuke dodged, and simultaneously, he pulled out his trusty gun. His hawk-like eyes scanned the seemingly empty street, trying to read the path of the bullets.

Naruto was still on the floor, dazed. He was confused after the first shot.

Sasuke was alert, and he could only guess who was after his head. Maybe he could try to take advantage of the dumbass's temporary state of dumbfounded-ness, and flee. Yeah. That sounds like a good idea. With lightening agility, Sasuke jumped onto his horse, and kicked it into a gallop.

The sudden flight of Sasuke snapped Naruto awake.

"HEY!" Shouting, Naruto scrambled to his feet, and chased after his query.

Sakura tch'ed as she watched Sasuke ride away. In her range, she saw a man give chase. Probably a member of his posse, she figured. Might as well take him down as well. She focused her aim. And pulled the trigger.

This kid could run! Sasuke thought, as he could see in his side peripherals, Naruto managing to keep up. The corners of Sasuke's mouth were curling up. It was kind of fun watching the kid struggle.

A strangled cry ran his blood cold, as if he was suddenly doused with iced water. He saw a bullet pass through the youth, and immediately braked his horse. He watched the body fall, and Sasuke for the first time acted without thinking. He caught Naruto before he hit the ground, and loaded him onto his horse. Another bullet hit too close for comfort. Not sparing another moment, Sasuke rode fast and deep into the desert.

Sakura spat onto the floor, disappointed that Sasuke and his unknown accomplice got away from her unscathed. One thing was for certain, he wasn't too far off, and she was hot on his trail. Encouraged, she loaded her horse, and sped off after him. Even if it was the last thing she ever did, she will bring Uchiha Sasuke to justice.

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TO BE CONTINUED …


End file.
